then there are blackbirds

Oh gawd. Reading this post really struck me 'cause... I kinda felt like I was seeing this alternate universe of myself. I too forgot my name, within the span of two months of summer, in my elementary school years, which I wrote about a lil while back . It was two months worth of being free from Chinese class, of not having to speak or think or write in Chinese. I'm not quite sure how I felt about not having to do anything Chinese related for that one summer. Elated, maybe, from being free of struggling with that elusive language that always escaped me, always a step away from my grasp. But it didn't hit me that I actually forgot my name until my parents started trying to enroll me and my brother to Chinese class once again, and the teachers started to test us on our Chinese knowledge and I couldn't write my name on command no matter how nicely they asked. The shame of it, I can't even begin to describe, of not being able to even look at my parents in the eye as the teachers of the chinese school told them about their kids couldn't even write their names out and there's no way they can put us in anything higher than the kindergarten level class if they still want to enroll us in. I remember the night we came back home, when my parents sat down with my brother and I, and showed us each stroke needed to shape and form our names. I copied it over, without the usual whining and complaints of having to do Chinese related work, over and over and over until it was imprinted in my mind. Until I could never ever forget again. And then, reading this, I wonder, what if I succeeded in convincing my parents to drop me out of Chinese class before this happened, before they realized that I forgot the name that they choose for me with so much care? I know I would never dare to ask my parents to write it out for me, for the shame of it. Would someone have been able to find it for me again? It's all these what-ifs, running through my mind and conflating into this thing and then it all boils down. I'm just really, really happy you found your name again. ♥ ♥ It must mean so much, probably more than all the what-ifs I can imagine, and I'm happy for you. So happy. ♥