and then there's this huge weight of guilt/frustration/shame and shouldn't i already know this?, and just- ARGH. :\
Oh gawd, yes, that's exactly it!!!! (*.* You're so much more eloquent than I am about this... I've always had a hard time putting these feelings into words and there, you said it perfectly.) The whole feeling of we should know all this already and the fact that we don't, or at least aren't picking it up fast enough means that we've failed, and this kind of feeling... You don't get it when you go and learn new languages, languages that are less personal. And that feeling of shame makes me rather not face learning Chinese. Learning other languages, even if it's not as close to my heart, at least I don't feel so... Frustrated when facing it, every single time. And I dunno, Chinese would be the last language I want to fail at learning (probably BECAUSE it was original my mother tongue and it gets all this stigma attached to it because of that) when I try to learn it seriously, so there's all this pressure and ARGH.
Of course, it doesn't mean that I'm going to give up learning chinese (*is currently attempting to self-teach due to friends who can speak it motivating/shaming/bribing me into learning*), but there are always those days when I think 'why is it taking so long to learn this' and yeah... Those feelings of shame would just flood back and I remember why I didn't want to try and learn chinese for so long. x.x
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Date: 2009-04-12 02:40 am (UTC)Oh gawd, yes, that's exactly it!!!! (*.* You're so much more eloquent than I am about this... I've always had a hard time putting these feelings into words and there, you said it perfectly.) The whole feeling of we should know all this already and the fact that we don't, or at least aren't picking it up fast enough means that we've failed, and this kind of feeling... You don't get it when you go and learn new languages, languages that are less personal. And that feeling of shame makes me rather not face learning Chinese. Learning other languages, even if it's not as close to my heart, at least I don't feel so... Frustrated when facing it, every single time. And I dunno, Chinese would be the last language I want to fail at learning (probably BECAUSE it was original my mother tongue and it gets all this stigma attached to it because of that) when I try to learn it seriously, so there's all this pressure and ARGH.
Of course, it doesn't mean that I'm going to give up learning chinese (*is currently attempting to self-teach due to friends who can speak it motivating/shaming/bribing me into learning*), but there are always those days when I think 'why is it taking so long to learn this' and yeah... Those feelings of shame would just flood back and I remember why I didn't want to try and learn chinese for so long. x.x