"Oh my god," Viv said a little frantically, "why won't she stop crying?"

Wil winced, taking the rattle from her and tossing it on top of the pile of rejected toys. "I don't know! I'm a resident, not a pediatrician!"

Vivian glared at her over Lily's head and went back to pacing in circles. "Shhhh, shhh, it's okay-"

"Right, okay, so. There are no nasty smells, her temperature seems normal... do you think she's teething?"

"I am not sticking my finger in her mouth to find out."

Wil sighed and tried offering the pacifier again. Lily spat it across the room and cried harder. "Well," Wil said, stooping to examine the rubber nipple, "there are no teeth marks."

Vivian rolled her eyes. "Tell me again why I agreed to this?"

"Because you haven't seen me conscious in about a week?"

"I think my judgment needs an overhaul," Viv muttered, patting Lily on the back. Lily emitted a few alarming gurgling noises and spit a gob of dribbly greenish goo on Viv's shirt.

Wil cringed.

"Right," said Vivian. "You may not be able to say no to your mother, but I am never babysitting with you again."